300(ish) Words on Michael Kors Leg Shine
I’m walking around with legs shining like chubby, prickly disco balls in the Texas summer sun. It’s 2005, and after many failed attempts at self-tanning with Jergens (which made me smell like rotten sunscreen and look like I jumped in a puddle of mud), I’m relieved to be handed a tiny stick of magic that would transform my summer look.
Aunt Della swings by my house to pick me up in her giant silver truck and take me back to her trailer for a Girls Night. She has a small, glass hummingbird figurine that hangs from her rearview mirror and swings back and forth to the rhythm of the Dixie Chicks song on the radio. I think to myself “dang, I’m one lucky girl” as Aunt Della takes a swig of her Big Gulp of Diet Coke and vodka.
After several hours of hanging out in Aunt Della’s big pink bed, watching Drop Dead Gorgeous and eating Twizzlers, she asks me if I have a boyfriend (I absolutely don’t), and when I tell her no, she sighs and tells me, “Well that’s gonna change!” Within minutes she has gathered up some half-used bottles of Proactiv (I have horrible acne), a bottle of Britney Spears’ perfume (“Curious”), and a stick of Micheal Kors Leg Shine. “These should help,” she says, and goes to the kitchen to fill up her Big Gulp.
And she was right (sort of?). My acne begins to clear up, I smell like a Dreamsicle, and most importantly I no longer have Dead Legs (that’s what my friends called my pasty limbs when we would go swimming because I looked like a dead body floating underwater). Suddenly, in a sea of small-town Texas girls prancing around the Sonic parking lot in their Daisy Dukes, showing off their perfectly tanned legs, I felt somewhat normal. Before leaving the house each day that summer, I would glide my Michael Kors Leg Shine down each leg slowly, making sure the sticky-shiny-bronze-deodorant-
Annie is a train-obsessed freak from a small town called Austin, TX. She’s looking forward to getting a spray tan (her second-ever, the first was in a place called Hollywood) soon now that she is fully vaccinated.
