Ephemeral, Hot & Fun Clothes I Don’t See People Wearing
Where do all the brands come from? Princess Polly, something called Edikted, someone with 5,000 followers selling matching bodacious athleisure sets in Fort Lauderdale, party clothes, party clothes, party clothes! All these storefronts and their models feel like The Sims. If one falls in the forest, who hears it? How did every person on this earth learn how to do this? As I sound out “ed-ikt-ed” I have 6 items in my cart, and I’m trying to decide whether socks with pink flames or earrings in the shape of storage-unit locks would be worth it to scrape by for free shipping. Where are we at with flames in the fast-fashion world, are we still good? The industrial lock earrings are out, too non-sequitur for that body part!
I’m surprised that these bubble-gum companies haven’t brought back vajazzling! (Vajazzling x Forever21) “Social Media Is Dead” reads a crop top sold on a site that only exists because of social media worn by a model who looks like TikTok’s child. What seems to be a fake review from “Melanie” says, “Great t-shirt! Would buy again” which insinuates Melanie would own two “Social Media Is Dead” crop tops in two colorways (white and light blue!), and her friends would see this and wonder about Melanie’s glitch in the matrix. Fast fashion — or sort-of-expensive-but-still-cheap fashion — is like playing Ms. Pac-Man, I am constantly trying to avoid ghosts and eat power pellets. It makes me so antsy sometimes that the brain-emptying experience of online window shopping becomes S⭐T ⭐ R ⭐ E ⭐ S ⭐ S ⭐ F ⭐ U ⭐ L, and I’m picking at my scalp making my fingers all greasy trying to figure out what occasion I would wear a belly chain spelling out “Heaven Sent” to? It could only work if it looked tossed-off, like maybe a trip to Florida with Spirit Airlines tickets. It would not work, for instance, at a bar in Bushwick where I would feel bare and fraudulent.
Pretty much every style right now is “Y2K” no matter what else it’s subdivided into — we just want lace and satin and fun and little keyboards and a rave dove on a tube top, a jet ski mindset, and a little humor! Hyper-categorization is satisfying but safe. Either way, today’s opaque quick-clothes-now empires make me simply insatiable and also feel like the melting clock where time is frantic yet meaningless because there’s always a sale about to end. It is powerful and vulnerable to wear the armor of a pop star in your day to day. And I also love the sort of inexplicable mini-trends that pop up — like all of these sites have ribbed knit pants all of a sudden. Shein debuted a category called “Dopamine Dressing” which means mesh bodycon dresses and orange terry cloth halter top sets. Learning this made me want to grab my laptop and absolutely holler, not because I’m upset but because I know what it will feel like to receive this marabou-trimmed lavender velvet tight little dress in that rectangular plastic bag. It won’t feel bad, and it won’t quite feel good — but it WILL be fun! Too bad they don’t package these babies in Hallmark gift store tissue paper.
Plenty of people feel differently, but I think clothes are mostly meant to be fun, and just like Lana wore the Shein dress that one time, I do feel the most American Girl when I’m wearing a little party outfit. “You Are The Main Character. Some Jewelry To Match. Belly Chains, Phone Charms, and MORE!” reads the subject line of a press release I received. I keep getting ads for this pleather pink skirt with a heart cut-out, and I know I would ride the high of wearing it once maybe to my boyfriend’s party, say, but then each time I wore it again, I would think, “I’ve worn this before!” And yet, there is maybe a sick ‘n’ fun charge in repeat-wearing a Solo Cup outfit in the sunlight. It’s impossible to tell what is old and what is new, and it’s also impossible to have a discernable sense of your tastes and desires when things are constantly flashing before your eyes. How are we feeling about hip cut-outs?
February 9, 2022
In "Features"
