Mall Madness: The Largest Mall in North America is Being Built in Florida
This week in Mall Journalism, May 14-18th! The largest mall in North America is being built in Florida…
THE AMERICAN DREAM IS BACK IN WATER-PARK FORM
Sometimes "mall" does not have to be preceded by "dead" in 2018! In a victory for malls — live ones! — everywhere, the Sun Sentinel reports that the American Dream Miami has won final approval to be built in South Florida. A victory for malls and the spirit of the '80s, however NOT a victory for protesters who refer to it as the "American Nightmare," saying it will "harm wetlands and wildlife, clog the roadways and even block out views of the stars with light pollution."
In the surprisingly emotional public plea for this gargantuan mall/theme park to happen, the development team's attorney said it is "greater than a mall" (sure, whatever!!) and will allow "families…to connect with each other as human beings" (ok!!). Then, a senior citizen "broke into tears as he described a wonderful trip he took with his wife to Disney World before she died last year" and "urged commissioners to give locals a destination like that."
If the American Dream Mall sounds familiar to you, that's because the same development team, Triple Five, is about to open the very mysterious, long-time-coming American Dream Meadowlands in New Jersey. Now THAT mall is a whole other story, with world-record roller coasters and water parks and a freakin' 12-story ski park. IDK what Triple Five is on, but oh my god, this will be your heaven (me!!) or your hell.
PIANO FISH TANK REALITY SHOW
The Democrat and Chronicle out of Rochester, New York, reports that the stars from Animal Planet's "hit reality show" Tanked have unveiled a giant piano-shaped aquarium at the Piano Works Mall because they GET the vibe! I think there are some things we all need to catch up on here. What is Tanked? Well, I am THRILLED to report that it is the best possible version of what this show could be. From the show description: "If your idea of an exciting aquarium is the run-of-the-mill rectangular variety with a few exotic fish thrown in, you're not welcome in the wet and wonderful world of Wayde King and Brett Raymer."
You MISS OUT when you don't have cable!! The Democrat and Chronicle reports that the mall's owner proposed the idea to the staff of Tanked because his son dreamt it up while watching the show. They even got Caribbean Forest, a local saltwater fish and aquarium hardware shop, in on the project.
STRANGER MALLS
OK, technically this was last week, but who's counting! Gwinnett Place Mall in Duluth, Georgia, outside of Atlanta, was transformed into the fictional setting of Starcourt Mall in the mid-1980s Indiana town Stranger Things is set in. Highly nostalgic mall storefronts were recreated including Orange Julius, Chess King, Waldenbooks, Time-Out Arcade and Wicks 'N Sticks. Even a jazzercize studio! And a Beauty Master! Gwinnett Place is apparently a mall ripe for dark cinematic purposes because I, Tonya also used it for a 1990s-era scene, the Atlanta Journal Constitution reports.
There is a real-life darkness beyond fictional governmental experiments that struck Gwinnett Place just a handful of months back. A Google Search turns up a headline that says simply: "Gwinnett Place mall continues to slip: body went unnoticed" from January 10, 2018. The decomposing body of a woman reportedly went unnoticed for two weeks inside a former Subway, and wow, is there a lot unsolved about that sad story.
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That's it for this week's Mall Journalism! See you next week!
Lead image courtesy of American Dream.
